I don’t think I have talked about relationships on here and that is probably because I have no idea what the hell to tell anyone about relationships. I have never been in a serious committed relationship and it often made me feel like I was not deserving of a love so pure and kind because it just wasn’t happening to me. You see many of your friends in relationships, you see people on social media buying gifts for their significant other, and then you see yourself with nothing but a phone in your hand laying down listening to Drake. Okay I am over exaggerating, but when you see other people in relationships and other people seeking companionship it makes you want to be a part of that.
I am turning 21 this Sunday and I am at a point where I am okay with being alone and I enjoy it. I don’t really care about finding someone to compliment me or finding someone to get me. I think a lot of people, specifically women are in search of that which is a beautiful thing. Love is a beautiful thing and companionship is a powerful thing. However, I think understanding who you are as a person and being okay with that are vital. I have dealt with some guys that were extremely detrimental to my mental health and it was literally driving me crazy. (I cut all them negroes off)
It wasn’t until a month ago (yeah I know not too long) where I told myself I cannot keep entertaining guys just to make me feel better or be desperate for the male gaze and the male attention. Why waste my time when they are not even going to take me seriously. But most importantly, I knew I was too good for a lot of them and I was lowering my expectations so that I would not be alone. So I came to the understanding that I not only need to be alone, but I want to be alone because I love myself and I want to be selfish with me. No one is allowed to disrupt that until God allows a disruption and a good disruption in the form of a man who is respectful and beautiful in his own way.
By no means am I saying to not have fun! Have fun sis! But remember that being alone is epic and being alone means that you can take time with your journey.
I am okay with being alone because it feels good and because my mind feels liberated.
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